The Nursing Baby - Q&A

One mother asks:
My son is 18 months old and is still nursing. My husband is pressuring me to just end it and keeps asking "when will it stop". I want to take it slow but my husband keeps making nasty comments. My son mainly nurses to go to sleep or if he is fussy I will comfort him. How can I start the weaning process? He won't go to sleep without nursing unless he is exhausted or I take him for a ride in the car. My husband will not be of any help so I can't ask him to put my son to bed or take him for a walk etc. Please let me know how you got your baby to wean and how long it took. I appreciate any help. Thank you.

Dear Mom,

You are really facing two problems. One is that you and your husband disagree on the correct way to parent your child. I cannot give you marital advice on what to do, but I do want to point out that this disagreement will probably be the first in a long list of disagreements. People rarely marry others who were raised the same way (or who have the same parenting goals). We fall in love for many other reasons!

Your husband's feelings are perfectly normal. He (like all of us here in western cultures), has been raised in a society that says breasts are sexual, and should not be for babies once they can "walk" & "talk". He does not feel the feelings you feel when you nurse your toddler, the loving bond and contentment at nurturing your little one at the breast.

I do think it would be wise to discuss your feelings more thoroughly. Especially in regards to how the nasty comments can have a negative affect on his bond with his child and his relationship with you.

You say your husband isn't available to comfort your son or help him get to sleep - is that his choice or his absence from the home? If he is there, next time your son fusses, just try handing him to your husband and letting him know that you are trying to distract him from nursing (you might need to spell it!), and go do something else for a few minutes. While this may not work at first (one or the other could both object!), this is a great way to start nurturing the father son bond.

For your weaning problem, we have some excellent advice from our readers on teaching a toddler to go to sleep that may be helpful to you. Also realize that parent led weaning is generally a matter of setting limits, and increasing those limits at a rate that is "gentle" to your weanling. Only you can judge how fast or slow to take it, and when to back off. The best tools you can use during weaning are distraction. If he always nurses after he wakes up, change the routine and present him with something really exciting for him to do when he wakes up, and he may completely forget about nursing. Unlike a 9 month old, an 18 month old truly remembers from day to day that he is a nursing toddler, and so weaning necessarily takes slower.

These tips are not intended to be medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider if you have questions.

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