The Nursing Baby - Q&A


Amy Segali asks:

Is it helpful or harmful to baby if I can only practice "attachment parenting" part time ( or is this an impossible contradiction of terms?). I have a beautiful little 7 week young baby girl who is in my arms, on my breasts, or in the sling almost 24 hours a day; she also sleeps with her father and me in our bed. I live in a collective commmunity (Israeli kibbutz) where it is common practice to put infants in baby care when they are 3 months old and mothers return to work. Since I am a teacher, I have extended my maternity leave until Sept 1st (my daughter will be 7 months then) and plan to steal extra time to stay close to my baby. Because I live in this type of community, choosing to stay at home is not an option for me, neither is having a nanny or sitter. My daughter will be part of a "baby house" with 2 consistent and 2 part-time caretakers looking after 7 or 8 babies aged 3 to 18 months. Once she is in such a situation my baby will be expected to fall asleep in a crib (she currently falls asleep on the breast or in her sling), play alone on the floor for certain periods at a time, and in general be much less "in arms". Fortunately, I'll only have to work 4 days a week, so I can still hold, nurse, and cuddle her alot for the other half of the week. Should I dare to hope that her beginning and part-time attachment will give her the resources that will allow her to manage those days without me, or should I fear that after tasting attachment to mommy she won't be able to handle this 3rd rate style of care? Should I give her as much as I can whenever I can, or start thinking about practicing things like pumping/giving her a bottle, pacifiers, and "training" (?) her to sleep in a crib?

Most babies adjust well to the different styles of care they receive. And indeed, receiving attachment parenting from the mother generally makes them more amenable to lower levels of care from others. I encourage you to continue your attachment parenting practices as much as you can before and after you have started work.

I wouldn't worry too much about starting up a new routine. The fact is, those first days in daycare will upset any routine you've established anyways. So relax until you have to return to work. And remember that many babies who seem demanding and high-need are not that way at all with other caregivers, especially when they are 6+ months.

Since your daughter will be 7 months when she is in daycare, I would skip bottles altogether and bring your daughter's milk in sippy cups (the kind that requires no sucking). You might practice with it 2-3 weeks before you begin work. Babies have to be held for these feedings for a month or two, this may help encourage your daycare workers to develop the kind of close bond with your daughter that you would like them to have. You should also plan on pumping at least a full week's milk before you return to work, since you have the time. This will really take the pressure off during your return to work, when you may have periods of low milk supply due to illness or the return on menstruation.

No matter what sort of care it is, I believe the workers will want to work with you to provide the sort of care you are looking for. You should let them know right from the start that you don't believe crying it out is an acceptable way to help your daughter learn to go down for naps. At the same time, you can let them know how much you appreciate them treating your daughter as an individual, and let them know you appreciate their hard work. I wish you luck in returning to work, and encourage you to keep an open line of communications between yourself and your daughter's caregivers.



These tips are not intended to be medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider if you have questions.


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© 1999 Paula Bobbett Last Update: May 23rd, 1999