The Nursing Baby - Q&A

Hi, I breastfed my daughter for a year, and she's been sleeping with us on a regular basis since she was 6 months old. She's now 18 months old and I'm pregnant with our second child and I would like to get her to go to sleep without me and in her own bed. Currently she starts the evening out with me and then I move her into the single bed we have wedged between our bed and the wall. A lot of nights she will even move over herself. I'd like her to go to bed without me and stay there and would really appreciate some suggestions. I stopped nursing my daughter at one year, she is now a little over 18 months old. Yes dh shares (or should I say HOGS the bed) with us! :o) I'm due the first week in May. I'm almost 7 months along and sleeping is getting uncomfortable for me.

I have some thoughts for you - I hope are helpful:

Towards the last trimester of pregnancy, it is common (for you) to begin nightwaking. This may be due to hormones released by your baby that cross over to you which cause you to have more 'babylike' sleep patterns. This means you spend little time in deep rest, and more time in REM sleep. It means it's difficult for you to feel well-rested. I wanted to bring this point up so that you would know that your daughter is probably not more active/disturbing now than she used to be - you just may be more sensitive to it.

I suggest before beginning any sleep change routines, that you have a heart-to-heart with your daughter and let her know what will be happening. For example, "Honey, mommy and daddy think you are growing up and are ready for your big bed at night first thing. What do you think?" If she seems resistant than maybe you can tell her some makebelieve stories about the princess sleeping in her own bed (or some such story). I'm sure you know how to tailor this to your daughter's verbal and comprehension abilities.

Think about creating a special, cuddly time for your toddler as she goes to bed. For example, a night-night story, tucking in, turning off the light, maybe patting her back or tummy. A lullabye if she finds this restful (and not exciting). Your daughter (and you) should view going to bed as a peaceful end to a long day, not as a struggle. Perhaps now might also be a time to get DH involved. This really could be a good move - especially since in the coming months with a new baby you may not have time for your older baby's bedtime routine, and DH might. I understand that many men begin to bond even more with their firstborns after siblings are born, simply because they are forced into more caretaking than they did before.

If you plan on moving her from the twin in your room to her own room, I suggest you go slow and be flexible. For example if it isn't working out, bring it back to your room, and keep on talking about the move. Make sure she knows she's still welcome with mommy and daddy if she wakes. Another option is putting a pallet down at the end of your bed for her to sleep on when she has restless nights.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful. You may also want to take a look at Dr. William Sears "The Baby Book" or "Nightime Parenting", both talk about weaning children out of the Family Bed slowly and respectfully.

Good luck parenting your daughter and good luck with your upcoming birthing!

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