The Nursing Baby - Q&A

My second question is how often does she need to nurse now and past her first birthday?

Your first question is difficult. The answer really lies in the fact that your parents certainly do not need to be convinced that nursing past 12 months is healthy. This is where you set the boundaries. Unless your parents are actually raising your child, they really don't need to have any input into the decisions you make. They got to decide what age weaning was appropriate when they were raising you. Chances are, they followed their own inclinations, and not those of your mother's parents or your father's parents.

I suspect from your question that pleasing other people is important to you. Well, consider that your parents may very well be quite pleased to see you making independent decisions regarding how you rear their grandchildren. If they ask about nursing or weaning, tell them "I'm doing what I feel is best for my baby". Do not begin listing all the wonderful reasons that breastfeeding is great past 12 months. When you do, your parents will assume that you have opened the topic up for debate, and that you are uncertain of your decision. Instead, just repeat your mantra. Repetition will clue them in that the topic is not debatable.

Now, your husband should certainly have input into how his baby is raised, but the question is how much? What are his views of the female breast and breastfeeding? Are they the views you want your daughter to have? Does he believe breasts are 90% for sexual display and 10% for breastfeeding? Keep in mind that breasts are completely non-sexual from a biological point of view, and many cultures consider the idea of breasts being involved sexually to be disgusting and perverted. I am not saying that it is, of course, but that it is simply a cultural viewpoint, not biological or any sort of destiny. Is he threatened by your feeding the baby and feel you are less sexy? Is it another issue- does he want to take you for a weekend getaway and feel your breastfeeding interferes? Actually, there is no reason you can't separate for a weekend with a toddler. Engorgement and the need for expression tends to reduce fairly dramatically after the first year. Or is it a standard parenting thought - that a breastfeeding toddler is more clingy (research actually shows they are more independent). Our culture's parenting is based on the belief that pushing independence creates it. Instead, psycologists will tell you that when a child has his needs for nurturing met young, he is likely to be more secure and independent, than if he constantly feels like their is no adult to depend on.

And if your husband does want earlier weaning, what will he do to provide a replacement nurturing process for your baby? Will he wake in the middle of the night to comfort his crying daughter? It is much easier to wean if the parent without the breasts can handle some of the key comfort moments. If he doesn't handle any of these moments right now, it might prove difficult for her to accept non maternal comfort, especially when wanting to breastfeed. How will you feel lying alone in your room while your breasts fill with milk for your daughter and she is crying for breastfeeding? If you feel happy about the weaning process, that is wonderful. If you are questioning the timing and feel coerced by your husband's feelings, this may create some difficulties for you.

I'm afraid I have no easy answer for you. Like many parenting issues, there will be differences between a mother and father. Breastfeeding is, perhaps, a bit different in that every time you breastfeed, hormones are released in you that help you bond and love your baby better. And your daughter, of course, receives all the hormones produced in the milk and her chances of breast cancer are lowered by every month of breastmilk she receives.

And of course, weaning isn't necessarily a black and white decision. Many mothers will tell friends and relatives they are weaning, and that weaning is going well. People often assume that means weaning is weeks away, whereas mother is really thinking of months away. Weaning actually begins the first bite or sip away from mother's breast. For those who nurse past 2 or 3, we often don't recognize that weaning has taken place till we notice it's been a month or two since our child has nursed. Many parents celebrate this milestone with a special party and presents for their child.

As to how often she'll need to nurse, there is no easy answer either. Mothers who believe in demand breastfeeding will often find that babies go through phases, and some days will nurse twice a day, and some days will nurse 10 times a day. 14 months seems to be a particularly needy time for most babies. Mothers who practice "don't offer, don't refuse" will find the number of nursing sessions gradually diminishing. Nutritionists say that as long as your toddler nurses 2 or maybe 3 times a day, she does not need any cow's milk or additional calcium sources (but these are not going to hurt either, of course).

A good place to get additional support is your local LLL group, where you'll meet plenty of mothers who have nursed past 12 months, and find out how their husbands and families have dealt with their decision.

Remember, the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that all children be nursed a minimum of 2 years, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a minimum of 12 months, and as long as the mother wants to continue past 12 months.

Happpy Nursing!

These tips are not intended to be medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider if you have questions.