The Nursing Baby - Q&A

Shelly asks:
I don't know what to do about my 7 month old breastfed baby's bedtime. I work 7pm to 7am 3-4 nights/week. The first night I left her at home with Daddy at 8 weeks old, she stayed up until 5 am crying (she had been going to bed with me at midnight and sleeping until 6am.) She never has liked the bottle and the only way Daddy gets her to go to sleep is with the swing. Things eventually evolved to her totally refusing the bottle and screaming for at least an hour before giving up and going to sleep.
So Daddy started bringing her to me at work, a 30 min. drive. For the past 2 months, she would nurse at work with me, then fall asleep on the ride home, and Daddy would transfer her to the swing, where she would sleep until I got home in the morning. For about the last 2 weeks, however, he has had an increasingly difficult time getting her to sleep (she wakes up when the car stops.) Tonight things got so bad that he finally gave up and brought her to me again!

It's not that I mind nursing her at work, but this is really hard on her and my husband. I worry that she will be psychologically scarred! I also worry that things will keep evolving until he has to bring her to me every few hours. When I am home, she sleeps with us, and I do a routine to get her to sleep. She won't allow Daddy to do the routine. She generally doesn't even like him to hold her. In her mind, Daddy is just for playing and Mommy is for comfort. I use a sling and my husband might try that if he gets desperate enough. I know that what she really wants and needs is me, but I have to work (my husband is a student.) Short of having him drop out of school, what can we do?

This is difficult! But rest assured, things will improve. 7-9 month olds tend to be the most separation prone, and some babies have more willpower than others.

I think your instinct is right that your husband should try comforting her with the sling, and trying to imitate some of the things you do that she likes. After she settles in the sling (and he's walked her around for 15 minutes or so), she may even be calm and relaxed enough to take a bottle.

One thing we've done with our own daughter is to sometimes try nurturing together. If my daughter objected to having daddy do something (like change diaper, or pat her or carry her when crying), I would come up and do these things with him. It seemed to help her accept and trust him more.

Please don't berate yourself for having to work and make a living for your family. Of course it's difficult for your family, but it's something you can all pull through together. Your daughter and husband will manage to work out a loving and secure relationship before you know it.

These tips are not intended to be medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider if you have questions.